


Certainty

by Lumeriel



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 18:46:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12941427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumeriel/pseuds/Lumeriel
Summary: Anairë has a certainty





	Certainty

Anairë knew the exact moment when her husband died. Unlike other wives, who were separated from their companions when they chose the path of disobedience to the Valar , she did not cut the tie that bound her to the second son of Finwë . When Arafinwë returned to Tirion , Nerdanel dared to suggest that perhaps Nolvo would also return: after all, he was saner than his half-brother. Anairë did not answer her then, at that moment she knew how little Nerdanel knew her own husband and the family she almost belonged to. Anairë knew that Nolofinwë would never return to Aman.

However, although her pain was so great that for years she only felt emptiness in her chest, Anairë did not sever the ties that bound her to her husband. Many times she felt how he was trying to put an end to that connection that he thought was unworthy; but the more he tried to destroy it, the more she clung to that invisible cord that held them together, through the sea and the land.

This is how Anairë knew the exact moment when her husband died. Just as she had felt the death of his youngest son at the hands of the orcs, his beautiful and stubborn Arakano , barely reached the new lands. Just as she shared every second of her beloved daughter's agony, while the poison rotted her blood and body. As years later, she experienced in her soul the flaming whips of the Valaraukos that destroyed the body of his unequaled Findekáno, the bravest of all the Noldor . Just as much later, she would see the city crumble on the head of her thoughtful and longed Turukáno . All so of her and so of their father, that Anairë could not have loved them without loving the Noldo who begot them.

She was painting in her bedroom, sitting in front of the window to take advantage of the light and , once again , she painted the passage of the Calacirya. Indis , the widow queen, burst into the room with her hair in disarray and her disheveled dress, shouting that the Valar had snatched her son. At first, Anairë believed that something happened to Arafinwë ; but the cries of Indis increased and from her lips came a name that was almost forbidden , as Arakano Indisirion was one of the rebels. Thousands of years later, Anairë would hear from the exiles that return the story of the glorious duel, sung again and again in Endorë in memory of the most powerful of the elven warriors, capable of hurting a Vala and making him fear. Just a few days after that afternoon, Eonwë himself would come to Tirion to claim the name of Nolofinwë Finwion , who would face Morgoth Bauglir in a singular duel and seven times wounded him. But neither the songs, nor the legends, nor the message of the Valar ... nothing could ever contain the greatness of her husband's fall ... or the horror. The greatness was in the despair that came to her like an immense wave, overwhelming her conscience, crying out for her living children, for fallen soldiers, for lost friends. The horror was in the howls of Indis , the most beautiful of the queens, howling as if the death of Nolofinwë were the death of his own soul, her voice begging and cursing the Valar and Ilúvatar , because none knew what was to lose a son, because none could return at least the body of her son.

Anairë knew the exact moment when the light of Nolofinwë Arakáno stopped burning in his chest and became a star. The cold finally reached her heart - the cold of which only had images while he crossed the Helcaraxë and she did not dare to beg him "come back, come back, my body is warm for you, only for you, come back" - and in that moment, with her arms around the queen, watching Arafinwë's eyes, king of the Noldor in Aman, who came to the cries of his mother - and seeing in his eyes that he knew it too, Anairë knew that Nolofinwë had not died in the fight against the Dark Enemy of the World; but his death had been slow and painful, hidden even from the bond that bound them above the sea and the earth, hidden even from her that she could not have understood; a death of hundreds of Years of the Sun, a death like a poison, that had begun on the same day that the Noldor separated because of the rumors of Morgoth and the madness of the Fëanorion , a death that entered his heart for the tiny cut that made the sword of Curufinwë Fëanáro Finwion in his throat .


End file.
